On the first day of school, about midmorning, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
ooOoo
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
ooOoo
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
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The Preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he was giving his preached he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third row leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
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Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
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Dear God, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
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Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
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Dear God, my Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. Just how far back do you go?
ooOoo

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
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Realizing that their home just wasn't big enough with the new baby in the house, Little Johnny's parents discussed moving to a bigger one. Little Johnny sat patiently listening to his parents, then piped in, "It's no use. He'll just follow us anyway."
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A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
ooOoo
When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
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Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with me and my brother.
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Dear God, thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
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Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I liked the walking on water one, too.
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Dear God, my brother told me about how you were born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say?
ooOoo

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